Terrible Twos…Do Those Come Early?? I Mean EARLY

I’m a mess.

I have never been one to handle anticipation well. This has not improved with age. For this reason, I hate being tickled, boiling water is annoying and waiting for 5 o’clock is just pure torture. Oh, and when my dad taunted me with “I know something you don’t know” (in the nanananabooboo tone) 3 months before Christmas – my head nearly imploded. *Thanks for informing my husband of this, Dad. He finds it HILARIOUS how much this gets to me.

Well, let’s just say that my anticipation is at an all-time high these days. I’m trying to keep my cool but actually, I think I’m losing hair. I feel like I should be hiding under a bed or in a closet or shower or somewhere for what I know is coming. Oh, it’s coming alright…

Easton’s terrible twos.

Oh, I hope you're ready for this mom!

Oh, I hope you’re ready for this mom!

I know ALL kids go through this stage – yes even your perfect little doll in the flowered dress with pigtails…I can see right past your Pinterest lifestyle and recognize that gleam in her eye. I too was once an innocent-looking, baby doll hugging, pony-tailed little she-devil myself. Oh my was I awful. I can remember the tantrums. Stomping with every ounce of force I could muster all the way up the stairs, throwing myself on the floor kicking and screaming until I was out of breath.

This is not a vague memory. I remember vividly what I was thinking and feeling. I had to have been at least 7-8. Let’s round up, shall we? That is a solid SIX years (my siblings will argue 16 years, but what do they know) of terrible “twos”.

But allow me to remind you (or inform you, if you don’t know me) that Easton is 8 1/2 MONTHS. He hasn’t even blown out birthday candles, learned how to walk or said his first words. I’m pretty sure I blinked and he started crawling. I sneezed and he started pulling up to standing. And because I’m a slow learner I had the nerve to sleep for 8 hours.

And now…he has a temper.

Look what I’ve done to myself. Silly me to think he didn’t take after me…HA.

Like I said, I’m well aware terrible twos happen to all kids. I was even aware that they can start earlier for parents with karma out to get them. But EIGHT MONTHS?!?! Excuse me, but the parenting books and websites did not mention this.

Seriously, how early DO they start?

Every time he throws himself backward with a shriek while I’m trying to change him, I think “ohhhh noooo” (insert pure terror) “this is it, hold on!” And just as fast, he turns all adorable, starts babbling and then something comes out that sounds like “mamama” and I’m putty. My little angel has returned, he was just sleepy. I get grumpy when I’m sleepy too.

Night falls and I go to sleep again.

WHEN will you learn, Kelly?!

Sure enough, the next day, these little “fits” happen not just when I get him ready for bed at night, but also when I try to put him in the car seat, high chair, put socks on him….ohhhhh nooooo.

Fortunately, he is the sweetest, happiest little guy 99% of the time and the “fits” are just brief blips in our days. Yet, I still can’t help but think this is just the beginning. Once it starts, there’s no turning back – right?

But if this is just the begining…and well, let’s assume Karma is out to get me, I am really going to be in for it (sorry, Christian). Which explains the crippling anticipation I’ve been feeling waiting for the inevitable. I just hope that Christian and I…and our house…are still standing by 2020 when our then 8-year-old will hopefully have outgrown his terrible twos.

Wow – I am acutely aware of how much that sounds just like wishful thinking.

Maybe I’ll win the lottery while I’m at it.

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