Oh, this is probably going to offend someone…

…but I’m gonna say it anyways, because quite frankly people who get offended easily piss me off.

No, that wasn’t it. But maybe those people have stopped reading now.

…last chance…

Ok, don’t say I didn’t give you ample warning. Now, it’s your fault, so don’t go cry to mom.

I was just told by my wedding dress seamstress not to lose any more weight.

And I’m mad about it.

Before you go all “oh, shut your mouth you little b*tch” on me, let me clarify this.

I just had a baby (If you haven’t read my other posts, yes I got it backwards). Five months ago. Not only was I pregnant when I got engaged – no, we didn’t get engaged because I got pregnant, for you and your curious mind ;)…but, I was THAT woman in the bridal salon trying on wedding dresses while I was six months pregnant (much longer story as to why this happened, but I’ll save that for another post).

I had to be extra careful to only look at myself in the mirror straight on. Because seeing me…with a baby bump…in a wedding dress…well it was just too much for my hormones to handle. I had to accept the fact that while every email from TheKnot talked about how to get into wedding-dress-shape, I still had a solid 15 pounds to put on before I could even think about losing anything. And, the day that my dress arrived and I got the call to come in and try it on…well…I was 10 days from my due date and HUGE.

Absolutely not. No way. No how. Can’t pull the ‘ole stare at yourself straight-on trick with a 9 month baby belly. Oh no, I was swollen and sweaty and had bags under my eyes from lack of sleep because my bladder was now the size of an ice cube.

So, I did the logical thing and waited a whole 10 days after he was born to go and try it on. Yikes, talk about things you can’t un-see.

Well, I accepted all of these things, I realized why it is people get married before having a baby. I mean, aside from the whole religion thing.

Oh, I did it again didn’t I…sorry, I am far from politically correct.

Anyways, I accepted these things and honestly, I leveraged them. All the more motivation to lose the baby weight! I’m gonna get married 6 months after popping a person out of my body! Nah, I’m gonna get married 6 months after popping a person out of my body…on a BEACH!

Whoa. *Someone’s* an ambitious son-of-a-b*tch.

Say what you will, it worked. I spent 9 months fighting LOTS of cravings. I printed out all sorts of workout regimens well before my due date even approached. I had it all planned out, and was ready to get my butt into gear as soon as my doc gave me go-ahead.

And I DID. With a probably overly ambitious ‘you haven’t exercised in a year’ naivety. I started Insanity. Or should I say, Insanity started me….started [to torture] me that is.

Yes, I puked 11 minutes into the first go. Yes, I kept going. I pushed myself and I worked my ass off. For weeks. I made it a priority, and I sacrificed time I could have spent sitting and staring at my baby.

And THIS fact is why I don’t care who I offended earlier. I lost the weight, yes. But, I have 2 weeks left. I am on a roll and I am this close to where I want to be. I have shed blood sweat and tears…I have forgone cupcackes, cookies…CHOCOLATE.

These are sacrifices I do make in vain.

So, when I am told not to lose any more weight one week before I’ll be on a beach in a bikini and 2 weeks before I take that walk down the isle, I get a little mad.

And then, I tell myself, “shut your mouth you little b*tch” and I pour myself a much deserved (if I don’t say so myself) glass of wine.

Cheers 🙂



2 thoughts on “Oh, this is probably going to offend someone…

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