It really is true when they (the metaphorical group of everyone BUT you) say that you can’t comprehend a mother’s love until you are a mother. I, myself am still overwhelmed at how it can be possible to love someone more and more every day when your heart already feels so full.
But, enough of that, I have a genuine concern that I need the truth on.
For all of you jump-to-conclusion-ers (aka my sisters), let me preface this with NO. No, we are not planning on baby numero dos anytime in the near future.
Having said that, I am honestly worried about whether I can love future babies as much as I love my first. All the anticipation and life changes that came with him. The complete and utter awe at everything he does as he grows. EVERYTHING IS A FIRST. Picture the way all men talk about their first car…all the memories they made in it, places they went….every. single. detail.
OR – will I become equally engrossed with a new baby and sideline my first born? Depriving him of all the attention he once had, to grow up feeling neglected and less loved, manifesting all of these unresolved emotions into horrible self-esteem issues that will affect him so deeply that they leave his future ex-wife saying “he just couldn’t ever accept my love”…..shessh!!!!
That is just a small glimpse of how quickly my mind can turn any simple thought and into an avalanche. Please don’t rush me to the looney bin just yet.
Hear me out. You’re 5 years old. It’s Christmas morning and that doll you just HAD to have arrived from Santa (wrapped in a way no man would actually be able to pull off, even Santa). You immediately forget about the dozens of other toys you just ransacked and spend the next 72 hours completely obsessed. Then Grandma shows up with a whole car full of gifts. Suddenly Miss Dolly is old news. Been there, done that. Here comes the sidelining destruction path for Miss Dolly.
Likely, I’m just as naive to all of this multiple-child business as I was 5 months ago to the whole mother’s love business.
You tell me: does a mother’s love dilute with more babies? Or is there something else I’m not privy to?